Random Thankfulness

THINGS I’M THANKFUL FOR RIGHT NOW:

• My sweet husband who lives up to the vows we shared on 9-2-06 every single day.
• Our little home and the all the love it holds.
• God my savior who probably shakes his head at me A LOT.
• Trixie who loves to snuggle when its cold outside and always greets us like we've been gone for months.
• My parents who tolerate my sassy mouth and quick temper.
• My dad who is a walking miracle.
• My dad's heart doctors that God provided us with to protect him from his health problems.
• An amazing nurse, friend, and mentor in our family who is there for us at any hour of the night and watched over my dad each step of our journey this past year. I love you Moon Pie.
• My silly nieces. They are more interesting everyday.
• My job even though I gripe about it way more than I should because I am blessed.
• Thanksgiving. It is our best holiday as a family and I can't imagine it without all of our crazees coming from all over the US of A.
• Random things that make me laugh out loud.
• Arkansas Childrens Hospital. There is something magical about volunteering for them.
• Going to bed on Friday nights knowing I can sleep late the next day.
• Hot bubble baths and a great book.
• Saturday morning homemade pancakes w/bacon (which we noted I have not done in a while)
• Pea Coats.
• Shopping with my silly nieces who think the only place at the mall is Hollister, Aeropostale, and Justice.
• The anticipation of Christmas.
• Warm chocolate chip cookies from the oven.
• People who enjoy what I cook even though it makes me so nervous.
• Friends who really listen when you talk or e-mail them.
• My extended family from other states & countries. I would love to be closer.
• Facebook that reconnects to friends we once loved, family that lives several states away, and photos we long to share with our family. There is a good reason to be on Facebook.
• Twitter that keeps me posted on really insignificant movie star stuff.
• Sunday Comics. Is there anything else in the paper?
• DVR. Thank you Lord for the person who had the smarts for this pleasure.
• Sunday afternoon drives with all the windows down.
• Sonic Happy Hour.
• Walks at the "park" with Trixie.
• Cooking and cleaning up with my sweet honey.
• Trips to new places.
• Razorback games with Richard. He is so funny calling those Hogs!

There are many many more things I could list and maybe I'll add more later.

I am thankful and forever grateful for the blessings of this earthly life.

Second Guessing Self

Is there ever a moment in life where you stop second-guessing yourself?

Honestly I feel great about most things in my life such as my marriage, family, and certain other relationships. I don't always feel confident with my job, church, or being social. There is that voice in my head that sings constantly about how much better someone elses life, job, church, and wife skills are better than my own. Why do I do that to myself?

I've been down about that sort of thing lately, but I think its due to being sick the past 3 weeks. Its tough being the best at anything when your body refuses to work at 100%. Its probably just self doubt and surely there isn't someone more capable than myself at doing my duties. Well there better not be! When you are sick you have WAY TOO MUCH time to think about stuff. So this is my post about that stuff...at least some of it.

My job is skeptical at all times. I have one though and am grateful for it. We have had a few issues at the job but we truly believe things will turn around. I am sad to think that I will probably have no bonuses this year. Not that I expect it, but gosh its been so nice the last 8 years. I am fortunate to not have insurance at my job and instead with R's job. They cut insurance out a few weeks ago for the employees families. You still have it, but you have to pay it where before it was all paid in full. So basically it was a pay cut for almost everyone except myself. Brutal for those with families.

So...church is hard for me lately. I doubt its ability and the people in it which is possibly because we have no pastor at the moment. No one to discuss matters with can be hard sometimes for members. You need that person you can go to about matters that you can trust on a level beyond family, beyond friends, and beyond figuring it out yourself. I guess the best thing right now is to figure out strengths, abilities, and focus on how to use them. Then figure out weakness and the people who can fill in those blank pieces. We always need those fill in the blank people...right? I am appalled a lot by things that happen at church and how people think its ok. I don't trust my own church right now and that makes me sad.

I have one friend that I confide in regularly about issues. Its helpful to know this person because they also feel inadequate about stuff sometimes and I know that she fully understands me. She is afraid of what each day holds and feel the need to run away to feel better. We all know you can't run away from the fears of being inadequate because they will follow you until you confront them. Sometimes you have to stand up for yourself and you know that can suck sometimes. It sucks a lot actually.

It always amazes me how selfish and disrespectful people can be right in front of your face. How people like that can take something so meaningful and make it really awkward. I guess if your ok with ugly then everyone else is supposed to be?

I care though. We all care. Refuse to be disappointed and lower my expectations so maybe next time there is something political happening among the church family, my family, and all those other people I might get surprised. Maybe. The end.

It's the Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown - Pumpkin

In honor of Halloween next week I had to show this clip from one of my all time favorite movies!
How can you have Halloween without this classic? Ask yourself that next week.

Five for Friday...or maybe Seven

This week has been a good week. I really can't complain about it much at all. So I love to blog but it hasn't come to me easily as of late so I always resort to the classic bullet post. I happen to love bullet post though. Its simple and to the point. And really at this place and time is anyone even reading this blog. Plus isn't it basically my online journal about my life and how interesting could that be to say some dude or dudette from Taiwan? Maybe I should advertise on Twitter and Facebook for readers. Ha!

1. A lot of my friends or people I know of are having babies. Some are having their first, others their second, and even their 6th (she is not trying to catch the Duggars she promised me...ha!). I love babies!

2. I'm not a big fan of cold weather. I do however like things that involve cold weather season such as Football, Charlie Brown Specials, Colorful Leaves, Pumpkins, Spice Smells, Sweaters, and Comfort Food.

3. I really miss my piano lately. Its weird I haven't had one physically since I moved from my parents home, but I miss sitting down and playing continually for sometimes hours. I see so many homes with them and you can immediately tell if your a pianist if its being played. This pianist soul breaks when she sees one that isn't played.

4. Richard and I took a fantastic whirlwind trip to Dallas for the 1st Annual Razorback/Aggie game. We won. And I got to see and stay with my very best friend, Lynn. She reminds me each time that she is from Fort Worth not Dallas, but after driving thru Dallas to Ft. Worth I can totally see why now. Gosh that traffic sucked!

5. I went to the State Fair opening today. Not for thrill rides, fried butter, or games. We went to feed my nieces 3 lambs they will be showing tomorrow and hopefully earning some of the money back that have been put into these animals. It is an expensive and stinky hobby. I try to be supportive as the Aunt and its not hard when you see those cute lamb faces trying to eat your jacket off your body.

6. Extra tickets to the Razorback/Auburn game tomorrow. My sweet honey couldn't resist them when his cousin called and I couldn't resist the plea in those blue eyes of his. They get me everytime. So he will be spending tomorrow with his BFF and the Hogs. He needs his man time and I need my girl time. I will be making some pumpkin cake pops for no reason at all. Its fall and the need to cook is vibrant.

7. Christmas Stockings. What kind do you own? When we first were married we could not find Richard's from his childhood that is similar to mine with the sequins, beads and felt. So I am ordering a Bucilla brand Christmas stocking kit from here PLAID Online to make him one so we can both have cute, funky stockings. Then one day if we choose to bear babies I will make one for them also. I heart funky stockings.

Happy Weekend To All!!!

On My Way to Crazy!

Do you remember that person you were 10 years ago? I have grown in 10 years to hopefully be a better person. More mature...definitely! Growing from experiences in life...absolutely! People in my life always told me things would be more complicated as an adult and the past 10 years have shown me that it is true. Life is more complicated and challenging. I now know that those people were right!

However, I keep on keeping on when the going gets almost too tough to bear the load except for those days I feel as if I'm running up the down escalator. Do you ever have those days? I do know that those downward escalators that I am trying to climb will eventually get me somewhere. It has to get me somewhere or I'd fall down...so you would think.

This next week I am trying to say goodbye to the summer of chaos and hello to normal life this fall. *crosses my fingers TIGHTLY!* Hello normal its been too long and its so nice to see you again.

I feel like the past 3 months have been busier than ever. We have had non-stop things happening since the first of June. Here is a small rundown of the things that took place in our summer.
June 5th my dad had heart surgery to install a internal defbrillator (I never spell it right), June 12th the lead wire was not connected and they did a second surgery to reconnect that device. The next week my in-laws came for a visit from North Carolina for the Hawkins family reunion. The last week of June was a huge wedding we were catering.

July 3rd Richard and I took a trip for my 30th Birthday to Chicago. It was the best thing that happened my entire summer. I turned 30. Wow. Is that really possible?
July really wasn't too bad considering all the drama of June. However it took a spin come August when we would be back at the hospital with my dad.

Oh August how not so nice you were to us this summer. I did enjoy your mild temperatures considering most of the time you are brutally hot and humid. My dad contracted a virus we think and it caused his new defbrillator to start firing. If you've ever seen a movie where they use the external ones and jolt someone back to life. It works exactly the same except no one is out there doing it. It saved his life. We know it saved his life more than once in the 17 times it would fire. I had several meltdowns which doesn't happen often, but I turned 30 and I deserved to meltdown...right? He should have died. We are beyond blessed.

September...the end of summer. Labor Day weekend Richard and I quietly celebrated our 3rd anniversary. No pomp and circumstance at all. I needed it that way. I was still fragile from June and August. A wonderful beautiful friend of ours got married the 2nd weekend of September, but it was also the weekend of Richard's 20th class reunion. Who could miss going to a party with an all 80's music Deejay? It was pretty sweet.
Then it happened. My mom calls and tell me that my dad is sick again. The lead wire had decided to poke itself through his incision and came out rolled up like a water hose. Back to the hospital where they would remove the entire device from his left side to his right. It was the first day of Fall when he had surgery which was last Tuesday to be exact Sept 22nd. I only had one meltdown that day. Now this very moment... Life is good and dad is good and all is well...for now.
Life has been all over the place the past 4 months. Today I need to visit the dreaded superstore to spend my $100 worth of groceries and hygiene items we need for the week. Not just a quick trip for stuff we have run out of like milk, but normal every two week stuff. I'm beginning to wonder if I even know how to operate our kitchen since most of my summer has been spent in a hospital cafeteria. You start to get worried you will forget how to do the normal stuff sometimes.

I'm looking forward to a bit of a slower pace this Fall and Winter. A regular routine would be nice for once. October/November is shaping up to be busy, but with fun stuff. Razorback football at the new Cowboys stadium, Race for the Cure, a baby shower brunch, and Thanksgiving. Oh and I always love Thanksgiving when all the other crazy people in my family unite for two blessed days of fellowship, food, and football. There is always at least one cryfest session when my mother and her family unite. Its in our blood and if you don't cry we know your not related!

So...Fall is shaping up to be very exciting and busy. Most of me just wants to bake cookies, make soup or chili with mexican cornbread, and cozy up on the couch for hibernation.

Only 9o+ days until Christmas. Someone hold me please! We'll see how it goes. This is me on my way to crazy!

Three Years

Three years ago on September 2nd, 2006 I married this guy...Richard. We met on E-harmony one of those online match maker deals which I was sure was ridiculous, but it forever proved me wrong. I am blessed today. Three years later by this man who loves me for me completely.

(R at his best)
Christmas of 2005 I opened my engagement ring from him. Obviously I had no idea or I would not have been so casual with my big red bow atop my head. Nice.
We had many wedding showers. This is the one his church threw for us and it was lovely. (For some reason I can not locate our pictures from my church or office showers)

Some of the presents we received from his church family along with a great hostess gift of a Patio Table & Chairs.

The hunting club his family is in threw us a Honey-Do Shower. It was so fun and relaxed.

Opening presents at the Honey-Do Shower. Those are my best friends sexy legs in the picture..lol! That's me opening an apron that was Richard's great grandmothers that we didn't know existed. A lady finished the stitching for me and its displayed in our kitchen now. I love it.

Then it was September 1st, 2006 and Rehearsal time. I miss my home church so much. Isn't it lovely? That bunch in the front look so happy to be there...ha!
Rehearsing with Brother Melvin. We had two pastors. My pastor Bro Mel did the ceremony and Bro Mark (R's pastor) did the communion. I heart our ceremony. It was perfect.
MARRIED!!!

Cutting the cake...why in the world I wanted yellow icing is beyond me...however it was not this YELLOW...but for some reason the camera made it look like BIG BIRD!

Fruit table my aunt did for us. I loved it and still do.

Some of the many flower arrangements we had for the wedding reception.

Then lucky us came out among ringing wedding bells to find my truck completely trashed and filled to the top with SHREDDED PAPER!

Oh but the children celebrated by making shredded paper angels.

R was happy two hours later when we were still trying to clean up our truck. We did not get to leave for our honeymoon because of this truck. We so shoulda have thought about what to do about a leaving vehicle!

We honeymooned here at the La Mansion in San Antonio Texas. It wasn't tropical or European, but San Antonio is very romantic. I would definitely stay here again.

The beautiful Riverwalk.

And here we are 3 years later! Still lookin' pretty good...haha! I don't have bangs anymore and R has a goatee. And I believe we've both packed on a few newlywed pounds, but I could not be happier. I am in love.

Tomatoes and Pepper Jelly

A few pictures of what we've been doing with the veggies we have harvested from the garden so far. I have been experimental with the squash by making squash dressing, quiches, grilling it, but I haven't fried it. I love it fried, but I am not a fan of frying foods.

We are definitely enjoying the garden and it will possibly be a bit bigger next year to give it more room to grow. I have been surprised by how really inexpensive it has been to have this garden. Here's the pictures...

A few veggies I picked from the garden this week. Its rained so much and has been cooler so things are moving slower in the garden department.

This is a couple of our tomatoes I sliced up for BLT's one night for dinner. They really have a wonderful taste. And really BLT's are the best recipe I have for fresh tomatoes...right?

Homemade Hot Pepper Jelly. This is the stuff you pour over cream cheese and eat with crackers. Women tend to love this stuff at showers or other lady party type events. My mom helped me with the process because really when your making jelly or canning stuff you need extra sets of hands to help out. Thanks mom.

This is Fresh Pineapple Jalapeno Jam. Its not hot and its delicious. If you've ever eaten fresh pineapple instead of canned you know exactly what I'm talking about when I say DELICIOUS. Nothing like it. Ever. Even my picky eating sweetie LOVED this jam. He had some for dinner the other night on his cresent rolls. The recipe is easier than it might appear so don't be afraid to try and make your own jellies & jams.

Recipe for Pineapple Jalapeno Jam

4 Cups Sugar

2 Fresh Pineapples (diced) OR 2 20-oz cans of crushed pineapple in own juice, drained well

(if using fresh pineapple you want to dice it up and then pulse it in your blender or processor)

2 Tbsp Lemon Juice (fresh or bottle)

2 Tbsp minced jalapenos OR 1 Tbsp of bottled chopped jalapenos, drained

1 tsp butter or margarine

1/2 of 6 oz pkg (1 foil pouch) liquid fruit pectin

In a 4 to 5 quart pot, combine the sugar, pineapple, lemon juice, jalapeno's, and butter.

Cook over high heat, stirring constantly until mixture comes to a full rolling boil.

Stir in the fruit pectin

Return the mixture to a full rolling boil and boil for 1 minute, stirring constantly.

DO NOT OVERCOOK!

Remove from heat.

Skim off any foam with a metal spoon.

*ladle the hot jam into sterilized jars and top with hot lids to ensure that they seal*

I wash my jars in the dishwasher and then run the heat cycle once I get started making the jam. Then I put the lids into a small pot of water and get them very hot with really not boiling them. This really ensure that the jars will seal.